You can't rape the willing, so we'll just have to play pretend

is there anyone out there?

2007-10-13T00:03:01Z

things are smooth, after a couple transitions, you might say, like getting involved with a 21 year old sociopath (who is nothing but a whore) that went out of her way to seduce an ex boyfriend of mine, and ending up hundreds of miles from california in a hippie van with 8 other travelers, heading towards the rainbow gathering in Oregon... peace and love, dudes...

Right now a certain someone is still stuck in Santa Cruz, probably doing time for violating his probation terms.. he dug himself deep in that one, and I miss him, I have never been one to rely on faith (much), so I'm strugging against it because I am not setting myself up for a long distance failure again. Hopefully he's okay, that's all I'll say..

Smolder Me

2006-12-19T10:28:34Z

Wow, tonight was utterly insane.
Sampson, Timmy, Nat and me hung out today. It's been...months, years? Once again Chinatown became an old haunt; we are teenagers emerging now, not like the kids we used to be. Jean Parker was quite nostalgic, we drifted in and out of the yards and rooms, absorbing in the strange familiarity that was our lives years ago. I had a lot of fun.... I think its been a while since I've had any new exploits... its almost like coming off a dry spell.

Eleanora's birthday party was mind blowing. Smoke was drifting out of the small room, amid the music and Tsa and bodies moshing. I couldn't have a better time on vodka and Sprite, grinding next to strange faces. The stench of weed and alcohol and sweat stuck to my skin and I fell over a couple times, but an arm or hand would extend and pull me up again, and thrust me into the surging crowd. We completely trashed her basement, the lot of us. And I'd never thought tsa would sound so good drunk; I kind of reached my limit after Fonzie...

p.s. KATHY is so cute.

lilvampiremaiden (1:35:47 AM): i dyed my hair green twice
lilvampiremaiden (1:35:57 AM): but i don't have green hair anymore
lilvampiremaiden (1:36:01 AM): it sucks...
bambisOUTofTOWN (1:36:15 AM): lol thats weird cause i have green hair now
lilvampiremaiden (1:36:24 AM): lol
lilvampiremaiden (1:36:27 AM): XD
lilvampiremaiden (1:36:34 AM): omfg you're like the little me
lilvampiremaiden (1:36:40 AM): haha

hey, ey, its a beautiful day

2006-09-09T11:10:35Z

...with the randomization(s) to make up for it. Effort to turn tonight into a cracking bonfire diminished, i guess we don't breed well with the benevelent social climbers. (<--- I consider that "trends" do impersonate good social "status" and being "well off" and "hip". ) Oh well, i don't want such insolent behavior around me. Arlene was ok, nothing too extraordinary or extravagant, but her friends and me \Rocelle didn't mingle.

There was this keg party at the Arb, we kept a fair amount of adversity among us before crashing it, one of those including the misplacement of a "dime" baggie and the interruption of strangers that we've met in the past and now has lost touch with. Nate, Rich, Sonya, Jeff... i can't get over the fact that Fate, or chance, can be ever so precise, that we would all be bumping shoulders on this day.

all of this
will unravel
by the end
when your words grow tender
and i don't listen any more
to any of your fallen
grace
...

echolice @ 2006-08-07T14:50:00

2006-08-07T21:50:06Z

only about 3 more weeks of leisure, than school
kinda hoping for another night with him.
last time was perfect.
yep, that's about it

echolice @ 2006-05-24T14:02:00

2006-05-24T21:00:21Z

im trying to break your heart.

2006-02-17T16:58:37Z

i keep neglecting this little corner of my life.
hmm.
i believe its going to rain today.

a 2:55 am write a day ago.

From the memoirs of her dyslexic mind she
Was finally able to cogitate her kaleidoscopic
Fiends.

Dear diary, she penned.
The pendulum between lust and love has long
Since been overthrown by the
Throes of narcotics in
My system.

Sister,
The thirsting impulse of a
Neurotic individual inside
Me
Has long since
Deteriorated like a patient undergoing
Lobotomy

The
Pending silence has
Hit me
Hard
The riveting mind
Does not have an
Anchor anymore.

In some circumstances, most are expected to vent and cry
In my conclusion, diary, I'm saying goodbye.

echolice @ 2005-11-11T15:03:00

2005-11-11T23:13:08Z

A Song of Despair

The memory of you emerges from the night around me.
The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea.

Deserted like the dwarves at dawn.
It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.

In you the wars and the flights accumulated.
From you the wings of the song birds rose.

You swallowed everything, like distance.
Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.
The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse.

Pilot's dread, fury of blind driver,
turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded.
Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire,
sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

I made the wall of shadow draw back,
beyond desire and act, I walked on.

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,
I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you.

Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.
and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

There was the black solitude of the islands,
and there, woman of love, your arms took me in.

There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.
There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle.

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me
in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

How terrible and brief my desire was to you!
How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,
still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds.

Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,
oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force
in which we merged and despaired.

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.
And the word scarcely begun on the lips.

This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,
and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you,
what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned!

From billow to billow you still called and sang.
Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

You still flowered in songs, you still brike the currents.
Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well.

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger,
lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour
which the night fastens to all the timetables.

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore.
Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate.

Deserted like the wharves at dawn.
Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands.

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything.

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

beautiful.

2005-08-22T00:45:17Z

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Oh and you're so beautiful
My darling
Oh you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful
Oh my baby
You're so beautiful
And you're so beautiful
Oh my darling
Oh my baby
And you're so beautiful

(i love Him)

its alllllll in my head...

2005-07-20T23:35:03Z

im very restless, so pictures.

lisa, hogging the webcam. (cant leave you now...sighs)

zelix, aka zoloft.

tauvin, acid trip on backwards.

i really dont know...

2005-07-10T01:38:17Z

how to make it work out in the longrun
but..

Happy belated 15 to me!

echolice @ 2005-05-15T13:01:00

2005-05-15T20:05:14Z

Piercings are killer. (Even though I Believe I have a bit of a tolerance for the pain)I pierced upper cartilege on my left ear. going for right one and then a couple more after that. lol. I wonder how im going to sleep( going to be a bitch)

echolice @ 2005-04-17T02:20:00

2005-04-17T09:23:43Z

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black"

Friends only. You know the drill.